Why always a day after I meet my friends, it feels so lonely and void. Wasn't it meant to lighten and cheer me up? Wasn't I waiting for it for a long time to meet them since they moved out. But when roaming around with them yesterday, wasn't I feeling tired and different to that group (I actually wanted to come back home at times) .
Today morning, I actually felt nauseous, like someone had left me, and they're not coming back again ever. Also, I wish I got to meet them every day.
It's almost a year since I started with Psychiatric medicines. Taloprex takes all the energy from your balls. It even made me go from L to XL. I wonder what would have happened (or worse what additional will hapen) had I not been jogging, doing Surya Namaskars,eating sprouts all the time. I look terribly bad in the mirror.
O God! I seriously want to get rid of the medicines now.
I also cannot actually figure out what is my passion. In this job, I feel stuck at times. Even juniors are now posting their post grad pics on FB. I still can't figure out what to do. This actually is the most irritating thing that clouds my mind nowadays.
Anger, frustration on the other hand seems to have been mellowed down a bit by meds. But so is my masculinity and speech. I seem to speak so slow and softly at times, totally without confidence. Mumbling and fumbling my words to others.
But as an experienced person(Same things happening to me for 5 years now), I know mind is simply craving for good moments, fearing they won't be created again. But they always do get created over time. But in between them, I also get struggles, despairs, body aches,hopelessness etc.
A cricket match awaits me tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll lose myself in it for a few moments.Albeit without getting nail-biting jitters.
